Aug. 4th, 2015

shinga: (Default)
If I ever post/see a photo of myself from years ago and I lament that I'm not her anymore, here's a comment that doesn't fucking help:

"You're better now, you look like a little kid in this picture!"

#1, I call bullshit. Most the people who say this are people who hit on 18 year old girls all the time so clearly "looking like a little kid" is a selling point if anything. Secondly, you're missing a shitload of context when I say I miss my old body. Yes the youth and being thinner and all was nice, but you know what I mainly miss when I see those pictures? ABILITY.

Guess what I could do back in those pictures. I could DRIVE A CAR. I could hold down a full time job. I could walk without the cane for long distances. I could dance. I could clean the house easier.

I've lost SO FUCKING MUCH. So having my wishes blown off with just telling me I'm hotter now? Is really missing the point. And also makes me want to snap at people because it's inevitably the same people who are INTO women who still look like "little kids", so you saying that's a BAD thing in those old photos is sending a mixed message. You're either into that or you're not, make up your mind. ;P

But do not mistake my grief over my losses for just looks or me worrying that I'm not attracting men who are into little girls. I damn sure don't want THAT type of guy anyway so win/win. I'm missing EVERYTHING about what that body was capable of. I'm mourning a TON of losses, of strength and independence and capability. I miss it all. I don't want to look like I'm a little kid. I want to dance. I want to drive a car. I want options for my future that aren't painfully limited to what I can do from my livingroom couch.

So, please. When I say I miss what I used to be, stop making it all about my looks and your sexual desire for me now vs me then. That doesn't help. That's not what it's about. Laughing off my pain with "you look 12 in this! lol!*" just makes it hurt more.

(*also a lot of people making this comment were hitting on me years ago, so... what, you were hitting on me when I looked 12? Who's the creep now, dude? :P)

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shinga

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