shinga: (Default)
Will's out of the hospital and we've been able to chat (including on video) a lot today. It's like this giant fucking weight has been taken off of my chest, a weight I didn't really notice was there... or, well, I knew it was there, just not how heavy it was. I knew my mood was off. I knew I was worried. I just didn't realize how exhaustingly overwhelming this had gotten. All of a sudden I feel energetic and confident and relaxed all at once. I predict tonight I'll sleep better than I have the last few nights and I'll be up earlier and I'll be able to get more work done and I'll be more talkative and less tense.

No idea if Will's gonna finish up his next two weeks in Austria or if they'll send him home early to recover. It's kind of up to his boss. He'll know more tomorrow. My plan to stay an extra week in Houston will still stay even if he's home earlier. Either way I'll see him soon. :)
shinga: (Default)
Today will be busy. I'm doing laundry right now and brushing my hair out to prep it to dye later. Friends show up a bit after noon to load up and head to the paint and body shop to FINALLY pick up Will's car and bring it home. Then the plan is lunch (YAY FOOD, I need to remember to eat) then I go back home and do more laundry and packing and dye my hair and make sure I have everything and then maybe rest in the bath for a while and go to bed on time so I can be up early and we can hop in the car and head down to Houston as soon as possible.

I like busy. Busy means I'm not dwelling on stress-things. Will's back isn't doing good at all and he had to see a doctor in Austria. He'll be okay, I know this, but I still worry quite a lot.
shinga: (Will and I)
Got in some video-chat time with Will. <3

Austria is very, very quiet, which he'd mentioned before. Things that would normally never wake him up here can startle him out of a deep sleep. The weather has cooled a lot and he keeps the windows open at night and the bed and pillows and blankets are really comfortable. It sounds lovely.

Most people he's run into speak English. Only once or twice he's run into some one who doesn't and has had to rely on his complete lack of charades skills (Some guy tried to ask what time it was and Will thought he wanted a beer... so his answer ended up being awkward and the guy thought Will was saying "it's time for beer!")

He says training is boring so far. His walk to and from work is exhausting.

He showed me some of the food he's bought. He says Austria, from what he's figured out so far, has a weird obsession with paprika. It's in everything. For some reason learning this made me really really happy. I love the small little details of different places in the world, the kind of thing locals don't even think to mention and the things you'll of course never read in a travel guide. Just... odd little differences.

I got a bit emotional during the first part of the chat. My mood's been really iffy since last night. But talking with him helped, a lot. <3

He's keeping an eye on how much of the area is wheelchair friendly for when he can eventually bring me along. The B&B he's staying at definitely isn't but he assumes if he brings me then his company will provide us a more accessible place to stay. Otherwise I can apparently get around to quite a lot of places, though I assume if I'm going to bring the scooter I'll end up leaving it outside a lot while in stores since a lot of them are pretty cramped. That's normal enough for Europe I think. That's okay.

So, yeah. He's doing okay. Adjusting to jetlag as quickly as possible... it's 10pm right now over there and he's exhausted. He's gonna put in a movie to fall asleep to.

Hopefully tomorrow we can talk a little sooner. And hopefully a bit of video then, too, since I likely won't have camera access at the right time Wednesday.

I miss the hell out of him. But thank all the powers that be for technological advances that allow me to talk with him as often as possible. <3
shinga: (Will and I)
My lovely fiance touched down in Austria and is already posting pictures (I nagged him about this before he left) )

He says it's amazingly quiet there... almost unsettlingly so. He's already done a lot of walking.

There's a night club near him with an "all you can drink" deal he might check out Friday. I've requested some drunk Skype time if he's able. ;)

So, yeah. Good start to his month-long adventure. We've already been able to chat back and forth a lot, so the wifi at the B&B is decent. No idea if he'll be able to message from work at all (he'll be pretty busy training the whole time so maybe not)... which means I'll mostly hear from him during his evenings and maybe a bit in the morning if there's time. And weekends, of course.

Meanwhile back in the US, I'm already keeping busy and plan on keeping that up. I'll probably do a lot of stuff around the house, maybe take on some commission projects to occupy my mind and time. Also socializing whenever possible.

Yeah. This month will be okay. :)
shinga: (Default)
Will's on the plane. I've been okay so far today... I left right after he did to go have brunch and then get a wax done all with a good friend. It was a welcome distraction. Home now... it's quiet. I'm not worried about the days... my moods and body pain levels and such are always the best the earlier it is. I am strongest in the mornings. I start to get tired by the afternoon. And as soon as the sun is down it's suddenly a hell of a lot more effort just to function... physically, mentally, emotionally... the nights concern me. It's when it'll be the hardest to cope with Will not being around. Tonight should be okay, I'll have company around.

I have some projects in mind to keep myself occupied this month. Art things, mostly. Maybe I'll even do some writing - it's been a while.

Tomorrow's distraction is a bridal show type thing. There should be free cake samples... not gonna lie that's one of the main draws. ;) But it'll also be nice to take some notes on things I like and ways I can save some money. Still got a bit over a year before the date we're wanting (which honestly we COULD move if we wanted to, we just wanted to make things easy and use our dating anniversary as a wedding date :P)
shinga: (Default)
13 days.

We went to a party last night. Watched as much of the Doctor Who premier as "buffering" allowed. There was cake but I was way too full and not in a sugar mood. Had a cup of wine before I started overheating and switched to water and laying on the couch (with a nice damp cool rag provided by Kat <3)... Will spent most of the night in the hot tub, I wasn't able to get in. It was all right but we did end up staying way later than I'd hoped (left around 3am, I started getting drained and exhausted around 11)... luckily the couch was comfortable and I was able to drift in and out of sleep and cool off.

Today there might be a family thing, depends on if Will's up for it.

Not sure what all is planned for the week. Friday we'll have a game night (and see if we ACTUALLY manage to play games ;P), last one before Will leaves for Austria (he has two Fridays but since he leaves on a Saturday he wants to spend the last Friday just us)

Art computer is still acting up. It's high time I install an art program on my laptop so I have it as a work back-up... also make it easier to work while traveling.

Lots on my mind.

Okay, back to drawing.
shinga: (Default)
It's the 21st. 16 days until Will leaves. It feels surreal making more and more solid plans of ways we'll stay in contact. I'm not sure yet when I'll be in Houston... but even being down there we can Skype and talk as much as his time allows.

Four weeks... gah that's gonna be weird.

It still feels like this vague far-off "oh, right, yeah, that's gonna happen but like... later" but now it's starting to have just a bit more "oh shit this is real" vibe to it.

When he starts packing... that's when it'll hit hard. That's when I'll have to find ways to either distract myself or just face all the anxiety and worries head on and figure out how to deal with them.

Ugh.

Like with all the drama yesterday surrounding us and how quickly and brutally we handled it together... I liked that. We rock. But it did occur to me that it would have been MUCH harder to handle it with him in Austria. Doable, just... harder. I hope like hell nothing big comes up during those four weeks and that any emergencies and such happen when we can take it down together.

Bleh. I dunno. I think I'm underestimating my ability to handle shit right now. I'm all crampy and extra "ergh" about things at the moment.

It'll be okay.
shinga: (Default)
Family dinner/time was relatively painless. We hung out, quoted stupid movies, laughed, ordered some Chinese food (curry, mmm) and watched silly videos on YouTube. Hips are cranky over the second floor apartment but we're home now and I'm on a comfortable couch.

Tomorrow will be odd. Got an appointment with the VA to discuss both pain management and the test results from the bloodwork last week (to find out if I have diabetes)... oddly I've not really had the time to focus on feeling nervous. That's been a small blessing. I mostly just feel... I don't know, numbly impatient? I think I've had too many "leads" of possible physical ailments to explain away all my problems and then had them not pan out. Diabetes could just be yet another "oh man if you have this it explains SO MUCH and treating it will help you immensely" wild goose chase. So more than anything I just want to know, yes or no, and go from there. I want the answer but I'm not feeling hope or dread either way.

Roommate has an appointment at the same time and is driving. So he'll just drop me off at the clinic really early and I'll bring a book or something. After the appointment my dad might be in the area so he can just pick me up and bring me home (he needs to head to my place anyway to pick up Sibling+SiblingRoommatePerson to take them to the airport), I just need to remember to call him after my appointment. I don't know, we'll see.

After that I'll go home to a far more empty house. Maybe get a bit of work done. See my friend that night and go out for a movie at a place that serves drinks. It seems like that's a good idea for both of us.

Wednesday is therapy and hopefully seeing friends that night. Thursday... no idea there, maybe get some stuff done around the house and spend some quiet time with Will (something we've been lacking this week with company around and also something I'd like to have as much of as possible throughout August).... Friday, nothing yet. Saturday, I think some things - I need to check my calendar.

Sometime this week I want to start on my August List. Things I want to do this month to keep myself occupied. And even start on my September list too, or at least a set schedule.

The idea of busyness brings some calm. So long as I don't overdo it and burn myself out I think it'll be really good.
shinga: (Default)
I am trying not to freak out about Will's trip. He's talking more about it... about where he's staying in Austria, the little differences in European culture he'll have to adjust to (ie lack of convenience... he'll have to grocery shop during his lunch break because nothing will be open after work)... and I'm GLAD he's talking about it. I can feel his odd balance of excitement and nervousness and it's thick and I'm practically breathing it in. But part of that is, of course, my OWN nervousness and excitement for him. This is a genuinely exciting thing! He gets to travel overseas, something he's never done. He's spending a freaking month in a beautiful foreign country for essentially free. He's already planning things to do in his free time, we're talking about the best times of day to Skype and whatnot (the best time is really just "when he can manage it", as my schedule is obviously a bit more open)... all of this is, really and truly, AMAZING.

I really am happy about this. It's an amazing opportunity. But at the same time... that's the longest we'll have ever been apart since we started dating. And part of me knows that's actually good for us. Not quite in an "absence makes the heart grow fonder" cliche way (well also that)... just... an added appreciation. That sort of "have we been taking each other for granted?" question everyone reaches when you grow comfortable in a long-term relationship. This will be a wake-up call and I think it'll really help us grow as individuals and as a couple. I really am not seeing many downsides to this trip at all... at least logically.

I'm running scenarios in my head of September. Part of the month is sectioned off where I do my own traveling, and that will occupy my time and mind in some wonderful ways. But the REST of the month? Yeah. As much as I'm distracted right now by building up a busy August to keep my mind off of things, I need to keep that in mind for September too. Depression and anxiety are wicked things and if left in silence they'll win more than they'll lose. I don't ever EVER require or expect Will to be this magical fix for those things but he does have a very calming and quieting presence, and it's something I need to learn to work without. I need to be my OWN calming and quieting presence. It's a daunting prospect but also... I think it'll be good for me. I stand on my own two feet pretty well but I've leaned on him more and more the longer we're together. I can't do that.

But who knows. Maybe I DON'T lean on him as much as I worry I do. Maybe September will be a breeze. Maybe I'll realize I'm stronger than I think. Maybe depression and anxiety will fuck right off and I'll step up and handle my household and mind far better than I think I will. Maybe I'll find parts of myself I thought were dormant have actually been patiently waiting for me to just bring them out and everything will be smooth sailing.

I guess it can really go either way. But quite often I find that my anticipation of things ends up far worse than the things themselves. Let's hope this is one of those times.

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