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This is my last week of physical therapy. I have a check-up on Friday to sort of test my progress but I'll probably ask for a range of motion test sometime this week with the folks in the physical therapy section of things, since the doctor might not do that. I know a couple of weeks ago they said it was already improving. And the pain has lessened immensely, while my upper back has gotten a lot stronger (which has done wonders for my posture as well)

I've learned so much. How to use muscles correctly, how to properly stretch and work them, even some tips on how to handle my hips' scar tissue pain (which, since it was unrelated to the accident, they didn't need to do for me but wanted to)

I might ask them on Friday to check my insurance, see if I can be covered to come back at LEAST once a month just to keep learning, keep growing, keep shaping myself like a sculpture. I can see a difference in the mirror. I can feel the difference, and not just physically. There's a change in my demeanor, and I'm not the only one noticing it. I'm more confident, I'm less stressed. I mean, I'm still stressed, but... it's not nearly so bad.

Skipping two appointments last week to spend some time in Houston with the boyfriend may not look smart from the outside, but that was necessary too. I needed a change of scenery, and a few days of nothing but peace and a lack of worry. I didn't have my scanner and wacom pen within eyesight, mocking me daily. I didn't have unfinished work looming over my head. Boyfriend happily paid for things this time around (whereas I normally grab the check before he can get to it when we go out to eat)

There was a noticeable difference when I got home. Less tense, less angry, less... everything negative. I'm still tired. Well, that might not be related to much of anything, I started shark week like the DAY I left Houston. So this last week of PT I'm playing in hard mode. ;)

Will bought me some simple headphones so I'm bringing the ipad with me to PT to listen to music while I do the cardio part in the beginning. I know myself... get the right music going and I will work up a sweat and have my heartrate right where they want it in no time xD

Maybe once I get some better income I can get a bathing suit that fits and come back to try their aquatic exercises too, to get more of the legs and hips moving.

I don't know. This whole experience may have started out shitty. I mean, who WANTS a car accident? But... it's changing how I look at myself. How I look at my body. Slowly I'm beginning to see my body as mine a little better. It's become such a separate entity in my mind that I was beginning to blame it, hate it, see it as an enemy. I always referred to my body and pain as something I was fighting all the time. Which worked for coping for a while, but... I need to work on not doing it as much. Because it's part of me, and something I need to relearn how to love and work on instead of hating and fighting.

I'm already excited for October. On the 1st is my anniversary, also the second-to-last PT appointment, and Will and I have reservations to a lovely restaurant in Denton. I wish to hell I had some spending money so I could grab a nice dress at a thrift store for the occasion. It's not a huge anniversary or anything, but it's been a while since he and I really celebrated it beyond a small gift or card or something.

<3 A lot of crappy stuff has gone down this month. "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is usually bullshit, but this time... this time it's been true.
shinga: (Default)
Tomorrow Will has car stuff to do - inspection and oil change. Then we'll hit some thrift stores because my weight loss is at a point where I can no longer ignore my need for new clothes that fit. Then a trip to the grocery store for lunches this week. Then hopefully swinging by the vet to pick up Dianakitty's food as well (she has some dry food at the house but needs the healthy stuff too)

Tuesday is left blank, and I figure that'll be the day I refocus on commission work. One of the hardest things to do when depression is rough is draw... but it needs to be done, and setting goals is good. I WILL manage, and I've asked Will to help me keep on track.

Wednesday is more work, and also going to try to set apart at least a couple of hours each day this week for chores. So much stuff I'm behind on and the house needs to be whipped into shape.

Thursday is an early morning to go get blood drawn and pee in a cup. Therapy that afternoon, I should write down everything I need to catch her up on - SO MUCH, OMFG.

Friday Will leaves to go LARPing and I set a massage appointment up for myself. Paul was able to help with my back problems while I was in Houston but I need to keep up taking care of that area before I screw it up again. Friday night I might head to a friends' place for karaoke and chilling out.

Saturday is Valentine's and I have no plans - not sure I really want any, either. Paul's not in town, Will's off LARPing. Same deal as last year. So I might just do a repeat of last year... chill out at home. Treat myself to tasty food. Take a bath. Watch fun things on TV, or play video games. Just give myself a fun date night without needing either of the boys' help. I'll miss them both, yes, but romance with them can happen later.

Next week will be much of the same. Commission work, chores/whipping the house into shape, self-care. I also have my actual VA appointment (whereas this week is just labs)... so much to discuss. Permanent-ish birth control options, pain management options, anxiety stuff, inflammation issues.

The biggest issue I'm worried about these next two weeks is headspace and motivation. I know I'm going to be depressed, I know I'm going to be feeling very negative and apathetic. Forcing and fighting my way out of that kind of mental place is... not easy. And I'll be asking certain people to help me, people who understand what works with me and what does the trick.

I'll be okay. I'll keep myself busy, productive. I'll give myself goals. I'll be awesome.


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August 2016

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