shinga: (Default)
Have a VA appointment tuesday that I probably need to reschedule because I started shark week in the middle of dinner last night. I've been MISERABLE all day. Sick, in pain, exhausted, cranky, sad, everything. It's been awful. Couldn't go out at all, can barely keep food down, couldn't go to a party tonight.

With the pain, menstrual cramps are harsh enough to pull at the surrounding muscles... meaning my hips get even crankier than usual. AND it might rain in the next couple of days so THAT'S not helping.

BUT. Yeah. Tuesday's appointment was in Dallas at the OBGYN for a pelvic exam. I don't know EXACTLY what they're needing to do so I'll call Monday for the details. Because if it involves a pap smear, then, well... the blood will fuck it up. It's... doable? But not overly recommended. Ugh. It took a while to get this appointment so waiting even longer will be irritating.

We'll see what happens.

On the bright side, that means no painful and awkward pelvic exam at that godawful hospital on the morning of my birthday. :P I can sleep in or something instead. Cool. OR still go if it turns out me being on my period is a non-issue for this exam (it's a pre-exam thing for the IUD, they might just be poking the cervix with a stick or something for all I know)

So, yeah. Been a frustrating day for all I was aware of it.

Luckily I have my birthday dinner balloons from last night and Dianakitty has been entertaining the HELL out of me all day with them. She is freaked out by balloons but wants to play with the balloon strings. So she bites on them, tries to run away with them, the balloon obviously follows along, it will catch up and bump her on the butt and she'll freak out and try to run away with the string still in her mouth. Rinse, repeat. (And no worries, I'm watching her to make sure she doesn't EAT the string)
shinga: (Default)
*throws things*

UTERUS.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER.

I HAVE BEEN CRAMPING FOR A FUCKING WEEK AND HAVEN'T STARTED MY GODDAMN PERIOD.

TOMORROW IS FUCKING THANKSGIVING WITH THE FAMILY.

FRIDAY I'M ON THE ROAD AND THEN AT FAIRE ALL WEEKEND.

THEN I HAVE A WEEK OUT OF TOWN.

THANKS, YOU PIECE OF SHIT, NOW I'LL PROBABLY BE BLEEDING THROUGH A LOT OF THAT.

I AM SO FUCKING PISSED.

(I swear now that I'm posting this I'll start, right? ... *knocks on wood, throws salt, etc*)

I started on the 24th last month, I SHOULD BE BLEEDING BY NOW.

(No, prooobably not pregnant. Such a miniscule chance of that that I've barely even considered it)
shinga: (Default)
I swear I'm reacting to my period like it's a shy deer. It barely starts, I see a bit of spotting, and I gasp. "Stay still!" I think to myself. "Be really quiet, we don't want to spook it off! Don't even breathe!"

And that, kids, is what it's like to have an irregular and very unreliable schedule.
shinga: (Default)
Things I somehow simultaneously want:

Molten chocolate lava cake
Steak
A heavy make-out session
A massage
A nap
Coffee
Tea
Cute shoes
Stompy gothy boots that scare men
Sex
Pixar movies
A good cry (this is pretty much the same as "Pixar movies")
Isolation
Socialization

There's more.

One of the biggest "yeah shark week's starting any second now" things I've noticed about myself... desire. For what? Doesn't seem to matter. I just get very very focused and stubborn and demanding about whatever the hell I decide I want in that second, even if it changes immediately to something that directly contradicts it.

So it seems this month so far I've gone through the shitty moods/enhanced depression shit (over the weekend) and now I've moved onto this.

Any second now, uterus. Let's do this and get it over with.
shinga: (Default)
Spotting, cramping, moodiness, sore boobs, water retention... yeah ovulating has become some kind of fucked up "diet shark week". Ow.
shinga: (Default)
Twenty years. Almost twenty years of shedding uterine lining every 30 days on average. This has been a significant majority of my life. So it'd be SUPER awesome if my body stopped fucking panicking and going into "blue screen of death"-like mode EVERY FUCKING TIME IT HAPPENS. I hurt all over (might also be rain coming in next week contributing to that), cramping, tired, headachey, nauseated, etc. It's ridiculous and I'm annoyed.
shinga: (Default)
Last night was rough. We went to hang out with my dad and his girlfriend Jen. It was a lovely evening. We sipped on Bloody Marys and talked about lots of things and had some good laughs. It really was a pleasant evening. BUT Jen lives on a second floor apartment. Not a huge deal, I can do stairs. But afterwards we were swinging by our friend Ryan's place so I could borrow his camera for Disneyworld. He's also in a second floor apartment, with two sets of stairs. Ergh. We stayed for a few minutes to chat and I could tell by how hot and shaky I was that the pain was worse than I was registering. We headed home and Will mentioned he had some painkillers I could try.

We get home, and Will can't find the painkillers. Luckily it's semi-late so I'm able to simply pass the fuck out in spite of the pain. I got to sleep fairly easily, even. But around 3:30 my cat decided she was lonely and I ended up wide awake and the pain was a bit overwhelming... along with cramps and hormonal emotional confusion. It wasn't a particularly fun couple of hours. Couldn't get back to sleep until after 5.

Up again at 7:15, alarm set to go off at 7:30. No point in more sleep. Up now, coffee. I'm less emotionally chaotic than I was a few hours ago.

If my uterus-related experience tells me anything, I'll DEFINITELY be bleeding while at Disney, and PROBABLY start either on the road there or reeeeally close to it. This is troubling and annoying but so long as Midol is with me I shall fear no evil. :P

I'm getting nervous. Both Will and I are short on money and we're both stressed about it. MOST of the stuff at Disney is pre-paid for us which is fantastic but there's still stuff we'll need to handle on our own. Knowing his family they'll step up and offer to help if they have the means... and hell I'm used to sucking up my pride and accepting financial help but Will's not as used to it and it might be fairly upsetting. We're hoping there's a check he can cash before we leave on Friday that'll help a lot, so... fingers crossed there.

Today is massage I specifically scheduled to help the stress of this week. Then there's therapy (my last appointment until the second week of July), then hanging out with friends and probably drinking (though I'll try not to get TOO drunk as I have a lot to do tomorrow too)

I'm excited, I'm looking forward to this trip, and I'm also looking forward to being home and July hitting and us being slightly less tense and stressed about money.

One day at a time.
shinga: (Default)
FUCKING FINALLY

*twitch* Let's hope this isn't just spotting where I stop tomorrow and go another week or two cramping with no result. Again.

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