shinga: (Default)
Went to a bridal show today with [personal profile] kahmiel... it was a lot of fun. We figured out how to get my scooter out of the house and into her car so I didn't have to worry about standing for several hours. Also, excuse to bust out the shiny camera and get some practice in. :D

Pictures! )
shinga: (Default)
Will's on the plane. I've been okay so far today... I left right after he did to go have brunch and then get a wax done all with a good friend. It was a welcome distraction. Home now... it's quiet. I'm not worried about the days... my moods and body pain levels and such are always the best the earlier it is. I am strongest in the mornings. I start to get tired by the afternoon. And as soon as the sun is down it's suddenly a hell of a lot more effort just to function... physically, mentally, emotionally... the nights concern me. It's when it'll be the hardest to cope with Will not being around. Tonight should be okay, I'll have company around.

I have some projects in mind to keep myself occupied this month. Art things, mostly. Maybe I'll even do some writing - it's been a while.

Tomorrow's distraction is a bridal show type thing. There should be free cake samples... not gonna lie that's one of the main draws. ;) But it'll also be nice to take some notes on things I like and ways I can save some money. Still got a bit over a year before the date we're wanting (which honestly we COULD move if we wanted to, we just wanted to make things easy and use our dating anniversary as a wedding date :P)
shinga: (Default)
Yeah, probably need a new video card. Not very pleased about this.

Stepped away from the computer for now. Did some dishes. Tried to do more chores before pain got too rough. Checked the forecast to see if there's rain on the way... it says no but it's been extra inaccurate on that front lately. Ergh. Took a painkiller. Resting now and trying not to get stressed looking around at the mess. We have people coming over tonight. Friends... no one who would care much if the house isn't pristine. So long as everyone can sit comfortably and it doesn't smell bad it should be fine, but... the fact that it's out of my control is bugging me.

If the painkiller works I'll try to do at least a few more things.

Bleh.

On an unrelated note, I'm letting myself ignore "Wedding planning" stuff until Will's back from Austria. But once he's back? I want us to start checking out venues, talk ideas, make some really solid plans. He's leaving most the decisions up to me since he's been married before and thinks the experience should be mostly for/about me. I'm fine with this but I still want him involved every step of the way (especially since he's experienced). On the bright side I pretty much have my "theme" down, just have to make colors work for it and figure out dresses and decor and all that shit.

So, yeah. Lots to think about coming up soon here.
shinga: (Default)
I'm not particularly attached to my last name. No family pride or desire to pass on the name to any potential children (they can have Will's name, I really don't care about that part). But at the same time... it is mine. While theoretically there's nothing holding me back if I want to change my last name when I get married... just... I don't know. It's a part of me, of my identity. Theoretically I could just add his name. Make "Bussell" a second middle name so that I'm not giving anything up, just adding. His last name would be easier to pronounce and I could still sign "Bussell" on my art accurately.

I don't know. It's not that I think changing my name would make me panic and run away from all of this. It's not that I think he's "taking over" anything, that I'd somehow be less of a person in my own right, but... I don't know. IF I take his name, I like the idea of it just being in PART. It'd look stupid hyphenated, and I don't even need the rest of the world to know that I still kept my birth name. This is more about me and my identity.

Will doesn't give a shit either way, he's made sure I know that. And I do. I've never once felt pressured to take his last name.

I don't know, I have some time to make this decision. My therapist pointed out that I often compare my levels of fear to levels of potential gain and make a decision from there, and she worried that I was letting my fear outweigh the gain. But I pointed out to her... WHAT GAIN? There's no real gain. I don't need to change my name to show commitment to my marriage, after all.

I lean more and more towards just keeping my name as-is. But my whole life I assumed I'd change my name to my husband's, and got used to the idea. Now that it's actually a possibility... well that's almost 30 years of attitude adjustment I've got to work through.

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August 2016

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