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So, ignoring all the other things I despise about Shark Week I'm going to focus on the tampons I had to buy this weekend.
I had a bit of a pre-period throughout the early weekend and didn't really start things off proper until mid-Sunday. But still, while we were at the gas station I figured I'd pick up a small pack to last me the weekend. All they had was a little thing of Playtex. I normally use either Tampax or store brand... something familiar. But this was literally my only option. No biggie. I bought it.
I... fucking... hate them.
For starters, the plastic applicator. Some might say the cardboard ones are worse but I have to disagree at least in this case. With the cardboard the first thing entering it the soft cottony tampon itself and in most cases you won't even really notice the cardboard at all (unless it's just badly made... see: previously mentioned storebrand tampons. Tampax is fine)... the plastic one though? MEH. MEH, I SAY.
Look at that shit. LOOK AT IT. For one, WHY does it look like the world's tiniest vibrator? Secondly, THE TIP. NO. FUCK THAT TREMOR-MOUTHED BULLSHIT. Know what that thing does? It PINCHES. I'm already feeling miserable, I do not need a tremor-mouthed tiny vibrator BITING MY VAGINA.
And now I move on to something I didn't even notice at first...
They were scented.
Folks, I'm fine with scented things. Candles... incense... oils... perfumes... deodorants... but tampons should never ever be on that list. I objectively get the appeal... blood has a very particular smell and period blood is its own category altogether. I can understand not liking the smell. But you know the WORST solution for that? ADDING SOME AWFUL ~FRESH FLOWERY SCENT~ MADE IN A LAB. Because then your vagina does NOT smell all fresh and daisy-like, no... it just smells like a unicorn's period. It's all the joy of period-smell with a sickening and strong sweetness added in the mix. It's fucking awful.
Oh and to all makers of feminine products everywhere... not everything that goes near or has something to do with my vagina needs to be pink. I promise you, I WILL be okay with other colors in that area. Blue, yellow, green... Tampax gets it! Plus they don't have the awful Tremor applicators and scents that make me more nauseated than I already am. Good on you, Tampax. I am happy to continue putting your products in my vagina.
Playtex, though? Shame on you. Well, some shame. Really just for this... you might have other products that would pass my weird standards, so I can't completely hate you. At least, not after the first two days of my period. Had you asked me 24 hours ago I would have happily offered to burn your headquarters down and enjoy the fresh flowery fire.
And thus concludes my rant about tampons. I'd put in a cent or two about pads but I haven't used them for a couple of years now. I do not regret making the switch, let me tell you what.
(PS oh and supertampons? I'm sorry I doubted you. On oh-my-god-see-a-doctor heavy days, you are a blessing from the vagina goddess)
(PPS sorry for hating on Playtex. This is the only time I've tried them and I happened to hate it. Again, their other products might be lovely and non-pink, hell if I know.)
(PPPPPPPSSSSSS I have nothing else, just wanted to type more)
edit I blame Tess for me making this.
I had a bit of a pre-period throughout the early weekend and didn't really start things off proper until mid-Sunday. But still, while we were at the gas station I figured I'd pick up a small pack to last me the weekend. All they had was a little thing of Playtex. I normally use either Tampax or store brand... something familiar. But this was literally my only option. No biggie. I bought it.
I... fucking... hate them.
For starters, the plastic applicator. Some might say the cardboard ones are worse but I have to disagree at least in this case. With the cardboard the first thing entering it the soft cottony tampon itself and in most cases you won't even really notice the cardboard at all (unless it's just badly made... see: previously mentioned storebrand tampons. Tampax is fine)... the plastic one though? MEH. MEH, I SAY.
Look at that shit. LOOK AT IT. For one, WHY does it look like the world's tiniest vibrator? Secondly, THE TIP. NO. FUCK THAT TREMOR-MOUTHED BULLSHIT. Know what that thing does? It PINCHES. I'm already feeling miserable, I do not need a tremor-mouthed tiny vibrator BITING MY VAGINA.
And now I move on to something I didn't even notice at first...
They were scented.
Folks, I'm fine with scented things. Candles... incense... oils... perfumes... deodorants... but tampons should never ever be on that list. I objectively get the appeal... blood has a very particular smell and period blood is its own category altogether. I can understand not liking the smell. But you know the WORST solution for that? ADDING SOME AWFUL ~FRESH FLOWERY SCENT~ MADE IN A LAB. Because then your vagina does NOT smell all fresh and daisy-like, no... it just smells like a unicorn's period. It's all the joy of period-smell with a sickening and strong sweetness added in the mix. It's fucking awful.
Oh and to all makers of feminine products everywhere... not everything that goes near or has something to do with my vagina needs to be pink. I promise you, I WILL be okay with other colors in that area. Blue, yellow, green... Tampax gets it! Plus they don't have the awful Tremor applicators and scents that make me more nauseated than I already am. Good on you, Tampax. I am happy to continue putting your products in my vagina.
Playtex, though? Shame on you. Well, some shame. Really just for this... you might have other products that would pass my weird standards, so I can't completely hate you. At least, not after the first two days of my period. Had you asked me 24 hours ago I would have happily offered to burn your headquarters down and enjoy the fresh flowery fire.
And thus concludes my rant about tampons. I'd put in a cent or two about pads but I haven't used them for a couple of years now. I do not regret making the switch, let me tell you what.
(PS oh and supertampons? I'm sorry I doubted you. On oh-my-god-see-a-doctor heavy days, you are a blessing from the vagina goddess)
(PPS sorry for hating on Playtex. This is the only time I've tried them and I happened to hate it. Again, their other products might be lovely and non-pink, hell if I know.)
(PPPPPPPSSSSSS I have nothing else, just wanted to type more)
edit I blame Tess for me making this.