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Ah, NRE.
I hate NRE.
To be specific, I hate what NRE does. By itself, as an idea, it's not inherently evil. It's fun, even.
IN MODERATION.
But here's how I see NRE: just a giant shiny excuse to completely ignore the other people in your life, even going as far as hurting those people, and huffing about how NRE is just your excuse and everyone just has to wait it out while you have your fun.
Fuck. That. Shit.
Yes this is specific to poly... but if you have a partner, maybe try not being a fucking negligent dick every time you find a new set of genitalia to play with. Maybe slow the fuck down and be careful in your new relationships instead of moving so fucking fast that your partners feel like you're going to leave. Maybe try actually spending some time with your partner without constantly talking about and turning every conversation to the subject of your New Shiny.
When I talk about my loathing of NRE, other poly people get huffy and pouty. Apparently I'm a bitter jealous bitch who doesn't understand the sparkly happy shiny joy of new experiences. Fuck that shit, I have NRE. Here's the difference... I have some level of fucking respect for the people around me, both the ones I'm with and the ones they're with.
Because balance here is not some magical unattainable thing. NRE to the extent of nearly ruining your standing relationships is not "inevitable" and it damn sure shouldn't be a requirement. No, you can't say it's "not true love" if I can actually keep my head on straight and respect other people in the midst of a new relationship. I'm not a fucking child. Relationships, romantic and otherwise, are maintained through mutual respect and work. Running off to frolic in the meadows with your New Shiny every time you decide you're just ~so in love~ and leaving your other partners sitting around with their thumbs up their asses waiting until you get bored enough to focus on them is childish and selfish and really fucking shitty.
I've nearly lost a strong relationship because of their NRE with some one else. Every conversation was about them, they compared me to the other girl, they mentioned them moving in within a couple of months, they were saying "I love you" with no hesitation after barely being together. And I was the one treated as the irrational jealous one, because NRE "should" be allowed to run wild.
I do not agree.
You're not single. Remember that, you aren't single. Hell even if you were, being THAT obsessive with your NRE is going to annoy your friends who you're probably ignoring in favor of whatever new set of genitalia you're playing with. So if you're consistently ruining or even "just" harming* your relationships and then throwing a fit because that should be allowed? Sorry, but in my opinion... you suck at poly. Poly is about having and maintaining multiple relationships. Not getting with some one who just has to be comfortable being put on a back burner every single time some one new catches your eye.
So, yeah. In conclusion... fuck NRE. Have your excitement, have your shiny newness, enjoy it. But stop having it take over every aspect of your life and then getting offended or upset when people tell you that's not cool.
*Sorry, just because your partner stays with you despite your behavior, doesn't mean the behavior is no big deal. My relationship wasn't ruined by NRE but it was damn sure harmed by it. It's still healing and it's been quite a while since this was a direct problem.
I hate NRE.
To be specific, I hate what NRE does. By itself, as an idea, it's not inherently evil. It's fun, even.
IN MODERATION.
But here's how I see NRE: just a giant shiny excuse to completely ignore the other people in your life, even going as far as hurting those people, and huffing about how NRE is just your excuse and everyone just has to wait it out while you have your fun.
Fuck. That. Shit.
Yes this is specific to poly... but if you have a partner, maybe try not being a fucking negligent dick every time you find a new set of genitalia to play with. Maybe slow the fuck down and be careful in your new relationships instead of moving so fucking fast that your partners feel like you're going to leave. Maybe try actually spending some time with your partner without constantly talking about and turning every conversation to the subject of your New Shiny.
When I talk about my loathing of NRE, other poly people get huffy and pouty. Apparently I'm a bitter jealous bitch who doesn't understand the sparkly happy shiny joy of new experiences. Fuck that shit, I have NRE. Here's the difference... I have some level of fucking respect for the people around me, both the ones I'm with and the ones they're with.
Because balance here is not some magical unattainable thing. NRE to the extent of nearly ruining your standing relationships is not "inevitable" and it damn sure shouldn't be a requirement. No, you can't say it's "not true love" if I can actually keep my head on straight and respect other people in the midst of a new relationship. I'm not a fucking child. Relationships, romantic and otherwise, are maintained through mutual respect and work. Running off to frolic in the meadows with your New Shiny every time you decide you're just ~so in love~ and leaving your other partners sitting around with their thumbs up their asses waiting until you get bored enough to focus on them is childish and selfish and really fucking shitty.
I've nearly lost a strong relationship because of their NRE with some one else. Every conversation was about them, they compared me to the other girl, they mentioned them moving in within a couple of months, they were saying "I love you" with no hesitation after barely being together. And I was the one treated as the irrational jealous one, because NRE "should" be allowed to run wild.
I do not agree.
You're not single. Remember that, you aren't single. Hell even if you were, being THAT obsessive with your NRE is going to annoy your friends who you're probably ignoring in favor of whatever new set of genitalia you're playing with. So if you're consistently ruining or even "just" harming* your relationships and then throwing a fit because that should be allowed? Sorry, but in my opinion... you suck at poly. Poly is about having and maintaining multiple relationships. Not getting with some one who just has to be comfortable being put on a back burner every single time some one new catches your eye.
So, yeah. In conclusion... fuck NRE. Have your excitement, have your shiny newness, enjoy it. But stop having it take over every aspect of your life and then getting offended or upset when people tell you that's not cool.
*Sorry, just because your partner stays with you despite your behavior, doesn't mean the behavior is no big deal. My relationship wasn't ruined by NRE but it was damn sure harmed by it. It's still healing and it's been quite a while since this was a direct problem.