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Therapy really knocked me for a loop. Phone call with the boyfriend helped, though I spend most of it barely choking back sobs. But just hearing his voice for a little while and letting some of that crap out helped, even if I wasn't really ready to talk with him (or anyone) about WHY I was upset. And honestly I've not even been ready to put it into words even privately yet.
Following that phone call I sat and just breathed in the fresh breeze from the open window next to me. Enjoyed the sunlight in the room, and the relaxing candle I had burning. Watched the cat sitting at the window wide-eyed and alert and watching everything outside.
It's amazing the difference. I relaxed, I stopped crying altogether. My mood shifted so quickly.
I imagine part of this is hormonal, it's about that time I guess. But it's also just been an incredibly tense few weeks so shortly following a tense few months. It's not too weird that I've snapped a handful of times - hell a few years ago these same situations might have had me an altogether broken mess and I would have damaged at least three relationships in that time. I'm growing!
Having Sparrow come over was lovely. We didn't do much - chatted, caught up a bit, watched some stand-up, ate food. I had my laptop up the whole time and I was in an art-coloring frenzy. I think I needed to focus that energy that way, and it helped. It's also getting me back into that art headspace that's been missing for the last few weeks. I needed to get my groove back and tonight I made some really good progress.
Right now I'm wrapping up the art stuff. Sparrow's gone home, Will's gone to bed. The windows are still open, even though it started raining about a half an hour ago. Couldn't bring myself to close the windows... the sound and smell of the rain was almost drug-like in its affect on me. I don't want to let it go. Luckily it's pretty much stopped raining so closing the windows will be easier now (though leaving one of them cracked open all night sounds fun, not gonna lie... that level of fresh air all night? Might do wonders for sleeping and my energy levels tomorrow)
Tomorrow is a new day. So is the one after it. I'm not asking for much, but... with some effort and a few more open windows and I'll hopefully manage this borderline breakdown until it passes.
Following that phone call I sat and just breathed in the fresh breeze from the open window next to me. Enjoyed the sunlight in the room, and the relaxing candle I had burning. Watched the cat sitting at the window wide-eyed and alert and watching everything outside.
It's amazing the difference. I relaxed, I stopped crying altogether. My mood shifted so quickly.
I imagine part of this is hormonal, it's about that time I guess. But it's also just been an incredibly tense few weeks so shortly following a tense few months. It's not too weird that I've snapped a handful of times - hell a few years ago these same situations might have had me an altogether broken mess and I would have damaged at least three relationships in that time. I'm growing!
Having Sparrow come over was lovely. We didn't do much - chatted, caught up a bit, watched some stand-up, ate food. I had my laptop up the whole time and I was in an art-coloring frenzy. I think I needed to focus that energy that way, and it helped. It's also getting me back into that art headspace that's been missing for the last few weeks. I needed to get my groove back and tonight I made some really good progress.
Right now I'm wrapping up the art stuff. Sparrow's gone home, Will's gone to bed. The windows are still open, even though it started raining about a half an hour ago. Couldn't bring myself to close the windows... the sound and smell of the rain was almost drug-like in its affect on me. I don't want to let it go. Luckily it's pretty much stopped raining so closing the windows will be easier now (though leaving one of them cracked open all night sounds fun, not gonna lie... that level of fresh air all night? Might do wonders for sleeping and my energy levels tomorrow)
Tomorrow is a new day. So is the one after it. I'm not asking for much, but... with some effort and a few more open windows and I'll hopefully manage this borderline breakdown until it passes.
Ah the smell of rain