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Nov. 2nd, 2011 05:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shingaI feel like a bad person. Selfish, needy, whiny, frustrated, bitchy, self-centered, demanding... etc etc. I'm trying to be a better person... better friend, sister, daughter, girlfriend... but I admit I often don't know what I'm doing.
I think, though, that's part of the whole "adult" experience. I'm in my mid-twenties which is a big time for self discovery and growth. Hell, from this point on I'm going to stay growing and such. That won't change. If I ever think I've figured everything out, if I ever think I'm the best at everything I do and there's no room for improvement, that's when I fail. But still... I do want to be there for people, I do want to improve myself and my relationships. I want to be strong with room for weakness.
All an issue of balance, I guess. With everything that's gone in... hell, the last 6 years or so... I really did need to learn to push back my severe pride issues (the ones that STILL get me in trouble), I needed to learn that it's okay to take some time for yourself (another one I still struggle with)... I've got life on Hard Mode and it's taught me a lot.
Sorry. Slight introspective mood. Thinking about things about myself I want to improve while desperately trying to ignore ridiculous fantasies about a life I can't realistically have. Seriously, heh... sometimes in these self-improvement thoughts I go "AND I CAN LEARN TAP DANCE -- wait, no" but then I start thinking about that and daydreaming and I lose my point entirely.
Ah, brainmeats. xD
I think, though, that's part of the whole "adult" experience. I'm in my mid-twenties which is a big time for self discovery and growth. Hell, from this point on I'm going to stay growing and such. That won't change. If I ever think I've figured everything out, if I ever think I'm the best at everything I do and there's no room for improvement, that's when I fail. But still... I do want to be there for people, I do want to improve myself and my relationships. I want to be strong with room for weakness.
All an issue of balance, I guess. With everything that's gone in... hell, the last 6 years or so... I really did need to learn to push back my severe pride issues (the ones that STILL get me in trouble), I needed to learn that it's okay to take some time for yourself (another one I still struggle with)... I've got life on Hard Mode and it's taught me a lot.
Sorry. Slight introspective mood. Thinking about things about myself I want to improve while desperately trying to ignore ridiculous fantasies about a life I can't realistically have. Seriously, heh... sometimes in these self-improvement thoughts I go "AND I CAN LEARN TAP DANCE -- wait, no" but then I start thinking about that and daydreaming and I lose my point entirely.
Ah, brainmeats. xD