Useless Ramblings

Last night my sleep was frequently interrupted by all of her snuggling, purring, and pettin's-demanding.

Today she's following me into every room, meowing and purring and cuddling the second I sit down.

It's like she's happy to be home or something. :)

She didn't eat as much last night as I wanted her to, but she probably ate a bit before Will picked her up from the vet. Hopefully she eats better today.

Giving her some medicine was... fun. Not as bad as it could be, but the next few days should be entertaining. xD

I'm feeling paranoid and extra careful with her right now, but also way more relaxed than I have been. It's so good to have her home and healthy. She's back to her energetic, sassy, misbehaving self.

My girl's coming home today!!!

Unfortunately the timing makes it so I can't be there to pick her up, but Will's going to go and talk to the vet and find out all the details. I have a feeling they never did figure out what happened... that's just my guess, though. But if she's healthy now, and happy? Then I'm okay with that. I'll keep her going to regular check-ups and keep a close eye on her from now on.

But when I get home from therapy, my baby will be home! I'm so happy right now. I'm gonna give her tuna and cuddle the hell out of her. :D

I started a gofundme for Diana

Hopefully this covers everything at the vet, and the specialist if it's still needed. Anything leftover I'll donate to a shelter or to other people's vet needs on gofund me. Paying it forward, y'know?

Last night we picked Diana up and brought her home for the night. The vet was saying she still isn't eating as much as she needed to but at that point she'd been at the vet's for three days and she might have been refusing out of stress.

Once she was home she was purring almost constantly. She seemed happy. She was walking funny but they had a catheter in her until Wednesday morning and she'd had a couple of enemas so it wasn't weird that she was still feeling a bit uncomfortable. But she was still moving slowly and I noticed a change in her breathing (shallow and rapid) - it affected her meowing and purring. I opened up the canned food and she meowed and seemed interested... until I set it down for her. She sniffed and walked away.

I was worried, but figured maybe she needed to relax more. So that night I put both the gooshy food and dry food out for her in her usual spot in the master bathroom. But once I put her in the room she hid under our bed (something she only does when she's upset or ill) and pretty much didn't come out all night.

She only ate a couple of bites worth of the dry food by the time I woke up that morning.

We were gonna take her in to the vet anyway so we loaded her into the carrier (she was VERY displeased with this) and took her in. Explained that she'd not eaten and her behavior was still iffy, and also mentioned the shallow breathing (something she listened to and confirmed it was odd)

Vet's now worried about a possible heart condition. She wants to refer us to an internal medicine specialist in Dallas. The specialist refuses to work with us financially with a payment plan. My CareCredit will help a bit but it was a $2100 limit and I've already put almost $600 on it (and more soon as the new vet bill comes in for the feeding tube and heart tests they said they were doing today)

We went home to give it some thought. Will has been amazing throughout, and says if it's Diana's time to go we'll run out and find a tortie kitten soon as I'm ready, heh. It worries me that his and others' comforting words have changed from "she'll be okay" to "if it's her time to go you gave her a very good life" sort of stuff.

And... yes. If it's her time to go, she had a very happy life. I love her, very much. I'm not ready to let her go yet but if it turns out I need to, I won't prolong any suffering. Part of loving a pet is knowing when it's cruel to hold onto them.

I called the vet to ask if they could get an estimate from the specialist on the costs of her treatment. Soon as I know what we're looking at I'll set up a gofundme to cover what CareCredit can't.



I just want what's best for her. If that means I lose her... then that's what has to happen. It'll break my heart, but... I can't let my own selfishness contribute to her pain.

They're hospitalizing Diana. She's got a high fever and is very dehydrated. They don't know much more yet, as she didn't seem to be in pain anywhere on her abdomen and her coloring seems normal. They're going to be running a lot of blood and urine tests, taking x-rays, and spending those three days re-hydrating her and reintroducing her to some appetite-stimulating foods. I'm worried like all hell and hate that my baby's going to be hurting a lot in the next three days, but hopefully this is all for the best.

It did put me immediately $400 in the hole today, and that's only half. I don't know about any extra costs (they put in antibiotics costs already but she might need more medicine by the time this is over)... looks like I'll be spending this time working my ass off to bring in the money to pay her bills.

Doing better. Last night there was a birthday thing for a friend at a bar. I figured it'd be too loud and crowded and I wouldn't handle it well all things considered. So Will and Roq went and I stayed home and almost immediately filled up the tub with hot water and bubbles, lit some candles, and soaked for like two hours. After that I laid about in bed, resting and relaxing, watching Netflix and giggling at silly things on the internet.

Sleeping was iffy. I think I had a fountain coke at lunch and for some goddamn mysterious reason the caffeine in that owns my ass. Didn't really get to sleep until 2am. Will was home. I tossed and turned a bit here and there and kept waking up. Finally between the caffeine-of-fuck-you and hip pain I went to sleep on the couch (there's a section in the middle of the couch that's a bit hard and when my hip hurts the pressure actually kind of helps so laying on that side means I can sleep)

The night of self-care helped a LOT. Got up relatively early considering how badly I slept. Enjoyed my coffee, did a doodle, and got to work. Finished a commission, started on two more, got the details and payment for a couple more.

Had a massage appointment (something I need to get back into doing regularly) and Will and I went to Target after. I treated myself to comfy soft warm PJ pants (from the men's section so there's pockets, yay!) and some socks. Also picked up coffee and some foodstuffs. Will was in a picky eater mood and I tried to get us something relatively healthy for the night but settled on pizza.

Got home and opened up a small can of gooshy food for Diana. She's still not doing well. Very barely eating (with constant encouragement), weak, tired, quiet, lethargic... very worried about her. Called up CareCredit to ask for them to send me a new card and update my info so I can use the account to take her to the vet. Made an appointment for Monday. This weekend I'll keep a close eye on her and make her eat as much as I can. I'm worried, but hoping she'll be okay. She's got to be around eight years old now... she's considered a senior and it's about time I found her a regular vet and kept a closer eye on her health.

So...

Yeah.

Will leaves tomorrow for his LARP. I'm worried about his back but he's promised to be careful and I gave a mutual friend yelling rights so she can follow him around and keep an eye on him for me. :P He'll be back late Sunday.

Tomorrow if Diana is doing worse I'll take her to an emergency clinic (same if she's doing worse Saturday or Sunday)... otherwise the goal tomorrow is to get as much work done as I can and leave my weekend open to relax. Hoping to hang with a friend Saturday but otherwise stay home and do a jigsaw puzzle.

I'm improving. I'm not out of the woods as far as all the stress and tenseness and fear and self-imposed responsibility and guilt, but... I can see my way out. I'm getting there.

Speaking of my cat’s weird attitude, she’s developed a new vaguely annoying (but still somehow cute) habit lately.

See, she gets fed at bedtime (mostly because she’s locked in the bedroom and her having food throughout the night means she won’t bug us until we’re already getting up anyway) and she knows this. So around the time we might get to bed she starts to kind of bug us to get up and head toward the bedroom. This is not new. In fact it’s pretty much the norm… she begs, we get up, she runs to the room and we feed her and then we go to bed. It’s a pretty easy routine.

The NEW part of this is that she goes through the begging… we get up… head to the bedroom, she runs towards it all excited…

And then she turns around and tries to AVOID going into the bedroom. She fights us on it and Will and I have to chase her down and pick her up and carry her to the bedroom to EAT THE FOOD that she’s spent hours WHINING FOR.

I don’t know why the change. It’s kinda funny but some nights we’re tired and chasing around a bratty cat is not a fun bedtime ritual.

Yeah. She’s essentially a toddler sometimes. :P

I let Diana explore the porch :)