(no subject)

There's a lot of shit going down. I'm struggling to be strong for my family, strong for my beloved, strong for friends. In the meantime I'm trying to stay afloat even in the moments when I'd rather drown. I hurt mentally, emotionally and physically. I've cried more in the last couple of weeks than I did in the last couple of months. I'm scared and vulnerable and desperate. I'm tired. I'm lonely.

Yet...

I'm happy.

I've never had so many amazing, trustworthy friends that I can lean on when I'm broken. I've never had such a strong and beautiful relationship that keeps me calm and steady even when I'm full of fear and doubt. I may be disabled but I'm finding out how to survive that way, and getting better at it day by day.

I'm at my worst, but at my best.

I don't know sometimes whether to smile or cry, but I like that I have the "smile" option. I like that when I break down and cry I always have some one willing to hold me.

It's a weird place to be in. Chaotic, in a way, to feel so much at the same time. I look forward to when the bad things hurt less, and the good things are what fills my thoughts again.