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Sep. 3rd, 2012 12:39 pmSo very tired and drained. Physically, emotionally, mentally just done for a while. I stayed in on Friday night but had a friend over. It was nice, a quiet relaxed evening. I went to sleep at a reasonable hour. Saturday and Sunday were back-to-back party nights and I overdid it and gods am I just dead to the world exhausted. My body hates me right now.
I really need to cut back on the drinking. I drink strictly socially but it's becoming a necessary part of the experience which I dislike. In large groups I drink more to quiet the anxiety I have when it's so loud and with so many people. If I don't I end up breaking down and finding some place to hide until it's all over. But I don't want booze as a required crutch. It's not good for me.
So I think I might go to the VA and ask about anti-anxiety medication. I don't like the idea of going back on meds regularly but if it's what I need then it's what I need, simple as that. And it's not just crowds I hope it'd help me with, but every day interactions. My communication in my relationship has suffered due to the anxiety I attach to everything and it requires an act of the universe to get me to open up because I'm too damn afraid to say anything or rock the boat in any way. And I know it's attached to the anxiety stuff because it makes me feel the same way as being in a loud, large crowd.
Bah. Lots on my mind. Trying to be cold and logical about everything isn't helping as much as I want it to... it's a cheap band-aid over the gaping wound. Might help for a tiny bit of the bleeding but it's almost pointless.
I really need to cut back on the drinking. I drink strictly socially but it's becoming a necessary part of the experience which I dislike. In large groups I drink more to quiet the anxiety I have when it's so loud and with so many people. If I don't I end up breaking down and finding some place to hide until it's all over. But I don't want booze as a required crutch. It's not good for me.
So I think I might go to the VA and ask about anti-anxiety medication. I don't like the idea of going back on meds regularly but if it's what I need then it's what I need, simple as that. And it's not just crowds I hope it'd help me with, but every day interactions. My communication in my relationship has suffered due to the anxiety I attach to everything and it requires an act of the universe to get me to open up because I'm too damn afraid to say anything or rock the boat in any way. And I know it's attached to the anxiety stuff because it makes me feel the same way as being in a loud, large crowd.
Bah. Lots on my mind. Trying to be cold and logical about everything isn't helping as much as I want it to... it's a cheap band-aid over the gaping wound. Might help for a tiny bit of the bleeding but it's almost pointless.