(no subject)

Had a good night up until the mini-freakout right before bed. It was hot in the bedroom so I took my PJs off and caught a look of myself in the mirror. Then hid under the covers and cried for a good half hour over how hideous I looked. Part of it is a weight concern, sure, but part of it is that I just don't feel attractive at all. I don't feel beautiful, sexy, any of that nonsense. For some one who honestly DOES NOT eat many sweets or junk food and in fact ENJOYS some of the healthier stuff, I feel frustrated as hell. I know the thyroid is to blame for a good deal of this but the meds only feel like they're making me more depressed and not actually DOING anything. So yeah. When Will got out of the shower he did his best to make me feel better and I was able to fall asleep tearless... but the thoughts didn't completely leave. And now that I've said this I'm sure some one will comment with "well you're not as fat as me so stop bitching", essentially, which gets kind of old. I'm not huge but I'm not small either and this IS the biggest I've ever been and it's been largely(ha) out of my control so YEAH it bothers me.

Anyway.

That is all, I guess.