(no subject)

So much stress, both internal and external, and almost all of it about issues that are completely out of my control. If I could just temper down this perfectionist bullshit in me, the side that says "well sure these aren't your problems directly but you should still be able to step in like fuckin' Superman and fix literally everything ugh why can't you do that you suck", it'd help a lot. I logically argue that part of me day-in and day-out. I mean, it's ridiculous. Especially when I write it out like that. I cannot be the solver of the world's problems. I need to stop being a giant empathetic sponge to the point where I take problems on that are not mine. The people dealing with these things are grown-ass adults who can handle it just fine. I can be supportive, loving, all that shit, but I cannot and should not try to step in and fix everything for them. Not only is it not my place but it's impossible.

Right now I'm in pain from incoming weather shifts and I'm a bit PMS-y as well so everything feels heavier. I'm behind on work because of the pain, I'm emotional about everything, I'm exhausted from life in general... I need a break but I don't really know what a "break" even looks like. Is it getting away? To where, and with what money? Is it shutting myself away from the world? To what end? That's unrealistic at best, irresponsible and immature at worst. I have things to do. I need to work, I need to maintain a schedule, I need to surround myself with people I love and trust. Shutting myself down completely would mean shutting myself off from everything positive too. Might sound appealing when I'm extra tired, but it'd hurt in the long run.

There's a thing I know might be the exact hard reset I need, but it's not until October. Yes this year is going by really fast, but that's still a long wait for me to remain this same level of stressed. I need other things first.

I think once the Spring weather calms down it'll help a lot. It seems the second things level out and my pain is manageable another wave of harsh storms come in and I'm facing full-body pain again. It's like prolonged torture... it'd suck if it was full-time pain, yes, but the breaks are almost cruel.

I meant this to be a quick update on life, but once I started typing I went another direction. Ergh. :P

(no subject)

Pain is lessening, I think the weather shift is well underway. Took advantage of this and got a LOT of art done. I'm far from caught up, still pretty behind the schedule I set for myself, but a few more productive days like this and I should be good.

Ignoring stresses. Letting some stuff go... well, no, not completely. It's still there. But I'm working on separating myself from things enough to remain balanced and impartial where I need to. Not easy, but doable.