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Jul. 21st, 2014 08:58 amPeople always, always mean well. I know that and I'm not mad right now, I just want to quickly vent about something that vaguely bugs me.
Nearly every time I mention something like, I don't know, not feeling all that beautiful or energetic or useful or smart or something... some one always wants to jump in with "but Will thinks so!", particularly people who don't actually know Will. I mean even though they don't know him, they're not WRONG, but... it still makes me uncomfortable when people do this.
I'm talking about MY own insecurities and struggles. They're mine alone. Does Will help? Well, sure. Of course he does, same as I try to help him when he struggles. But my struggles are not his burden to bear and they're not his responsibility, same as his are not mine. And when people throw his name out there like they think his mere presence should be a cure-all for all of my low points, it makes me SUPER uncomfortable.
Yes I know they mean well. They can tell we've got a good thing going, and we do. But part of the reason we have a good thing going is that I've figured out how to balance my own shit without needing him to step in and fix everything. His reassurances and comforts are a godsend and I'm glad I have them but at the end of the day the only way I'm going to get past my own shit is to do it my own damn self. He helps, and he's not the only one who helps - I also have friends, family, therapy... a whole community of people. Will should never be the only one I'm relying on, and I should never fully rely on him to fix everything that's going wrong in my life.
So, I don't know. Every time some one comments on something that's my own shit and throws Will's name down... I don't know. Part of me wonders if some of these people (not all) are single and bitter and thinking a relationship would cure THEIR insecurities so how am I still struggling when I clearly have a good strong relationship? At THAT point, this is actually kind of sad... because nothing screams "future unhealthy relationships" like expecting romantic love to wipe your troubled mind clean. That way leads to resentment the moment you figure out that your partner literally cannot do that for you.
For those who comment who ARE in relationships, whether dating or married, throw me off. I think they all mean well, and maybe there's an unspoken "Will helps but he's not going to completely fix this" awareness that they're not expressing, but... it's also possible that they're in their own relationships expecting too much of their partner and that way leads to madness and heartache.
I did expect too much of Will, a few times. And, bless him, he tried to be what I needed... but it drained him quickly, it damaged our relationship, and it left us bruised and needing time to heal. We work best when we're both aware of what problems need to be handled as a team and what problems can be handled on our own time. We can encourage and support throughout that process, but never take the lead on it. And that's okay. That's how I prefer it.
Yeah this "quickly venting" thing never seems to work out for me. :P Long story short, it vaguely bugs me when I'm going through mental or emotional shit, usually about personal insecurities, and people comment acting like one word from Will (or just his mere existence, ie "But you have Will and you're a good couple! You should be happy!") should make all of that go away like a freaking magic spell. He's not a cure-all... and, you know, I wouldn't want him to be. Talk about setting a high standard. ;)
Nearly every time I mention something like, I don't know, not feeling all that beautiful or energetic or useful or smart or something... some one always wants to jump in with "but Will thinks so!", particularly people who don't actually know Will. I mean even though they don't know him, they're not WRONG, but... it still makes me uncomfortable when people do this.
I'm talking about MY own insecurities and struggles. They're mine alone. Does Will help? Well, sure. Of course he does, same as I try to help him when he struggles. But my struggles are not his burden to bear and they're not his responsibility, same as his are not mine. And when people throw his name out there like they think his mere presence should be a cure-all for all of my low points, it makes me SUPER uncomfortable.
Yes I know they mean well. They can tell we've got a good thing going, and we do. But part of the reason we have a good thing going is that I've figured out how to balance my own shit without needing him to step in and fix everything. His reassurances and comforts are a godsend and I'm glad I have them but at the end of the day the only way I'm going to get past my own shit is to do it my own damn self. He helps, and he's not the only one who helps - I also have friends, family, therapy... a whole community of people. Will should never be the only one I'm relying on, and I should never fully rely on him to fix everything that's going wrong in my life.
So, I don't know. Every time some one comments on something that's my own shit and throws Will's name down... I don't know. Part of me wonders if some of these people (not all) are single and bitter and thinking a relationship would cure THEIR insecurities so how am I still struggling when I clearly have a good strong relationship? At THAT point, this is actually kind of sad... because nothing screams "future unhealthy relationships" like expecting romantic love to wipe your troubled mind clean. That way leads to resentment the moment you figure out that your partner literally cannot do that for you.
For those who comment who ARE in relationships, whether dating or married, throw me off. I think they all mean well, and maybe there's an unspoken "Will helps but he's not going to completely fix this" awareness that they're not expressing, but... it's also possible that they're in their own relationships expecting too much of their partner and that way leads to madness and heartache.
I did expect too much of Will, a few times. And, bless him, he tried to be what I needed... but it drained him quickly, it damaged our relationship, and it left us bruised and needing time to heal. We work best when we're both aware of what problems need to be handled as a team and what problems can be handled on our own time. We can encourage and support throughout that process, but never take the lead on it. And that's okay. That's how I prefer it.
Yeah this "quickly venting" thing never seems to work out for me. :P Long story short, it vaguely bugs me when I'm going through mental or emotional shit, usually about personal insecurities, and people comment acting like one word from Will (or just his mere existence, ie "But you have Will and you're a good couple! You should be happy!") should make all of that go away like a freaking magic spell. He's not a cure-all... and, you know, I wouldn't want him to be. Talk about setting a high standard. ;)
