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Therapy went okay. Still so fucking stressed about everything but apparently I need to evaluate what stress is actually mine and what I'm soaking in from everyone else. Also I take on too much personal responsibility. I dunno.

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Okay, flat out, I'm not doing well. This week (which I have fittingly typo'd as "weak" three times before getting it right) is crushing me. I'm stressed about money, I'm in pain, I'm worried about Will's health and job status, I'm missing my boyfriend, I'm lonely, I'm desperate for a connection I can't have right now, I'm hurting so much I can't breathe right sometimes, I'm productive with work but not nearly as much as I could be, my sleep schedule is being fucked with and I'm not resting very well, I'm terrified of being honest about this to the men I love because they have enough on their plates right now and me complaining would just make their lives more stressful and I don't want to do that but at the same time it's really fucking rude to assume they don't want to be there for me when I damn sure would get upset if they were keeping something from me out of "my best interest" but I can't stop doing the same and I feel like the world's worst fiancee and girlfriend, on top of this being stressed and tired and in pain I've never felt so unsexy and ugly in my fucking life* and I spent most of my day crying and so tense I can barely move without wincing, I'm popping painkillers like it's candy, I need to take melatonin to get something even close to good sleep and I just... I'm not doing well. I'm not. And if I talk about it out loud I'm going to just cry more and I hate people seeing me cry (again with the hypocrisy - I'm fine about people crying in front of me and would punch some one in the face for judging this in some one else but me? psh clearly I'm a special snowflake here)

Ugh. Stress, pain, money, self-loathing and a lovely dose of self-imposed isolation.

God I hope the next seven days are a lot better.

(*edit: OH and that will probably get worse since now no one in the house is making much money we'll probably need to start buying cheaper food and I'm in too much pain to exercise as much... so shitty processed sodium-packed fatty sugary foods ON TOP OF not being able to work it off? Yeah. I'm about to feel a lot worse about myself)