(no subject)

Woke up when Will was in here making himself his morning coffee and putting on his shoes and everything. Considered going back to sleep but decided, nah, tired of sleeping in. So I'm up and energetic and excited for the rest of the day.

Today my goals are:

1. Do the dishes (not hard, there's not much... just need to do a dishwasher swap and maybe wash one or two things by hand at most)
2. Empty the cat boxes (just bought litter last night, new kind to help with scent, we'll see how well it works)
3. Straighten up the livingroom and bathroom (no need for deep cleaning today, but I want to keep up with the place)
4. Therapy (probably the easiest one, sitting on a couch and yammering on for an hour is often pretty easy... though maybe I should touch on less easy topics for a change)
5. ART ART ART!!! (I'm thinking one just-for-me piece and then get started early on a comic for next week and start on the commission backlog so I can start a new special)
6. Relax and enjoy one of my best friends coming over tonight (been too long since we got to hang out, life's a bitch like that)

I've got a good feeling about today. :)

(no subject)

Therapy was rough and draining. Been crying on and off ever since.

(no subject)

Therapy really knocked me for a loop. Phone call with the boyfriend helped, though I spend most of it barely choking back sobs. But just hearing his voice for a little while and letting some of that crap out helped, even if I wasn't really ready to talk with him (or anyone) about WHY I was upset. And honestly I've not even been ready to put it into words even privately yet.

Following that phone call I sat and just breathed in the fresh breeze from the open window next to me. Enjoyed the sunlight in the room, and the relaxing candle I had burning. Watched the cat sitting at the window wide-eyed and alert and watching everything outside.

It's amazing the difference. I relaxed, I stopped crying altogether. My mood shifted so quickly.

I imagine part of this is hormonal, it's about that time I guess. But it's also just been an incredibly tense few weeks so shortly following a tense few months. It's not too weird that I've snapped a handful of times - hell a few years ago these same situations might have had me an altogether broken mess and I would have damaged at least three relationships in that time. I'm growing!

Having Sparrow come over was lovely. We didn't do much - chatted, caught up a bit, watched some stand-up, ate food. I had my laptop up the whole time and I was in an art-coloring frenzy. I think I needed to focus that energy that way, and it helped. It's also getting me back into that art headspace that's been missing for the last few weeks. I needed to get my groove back and tonight I made some really good progress.

Right now I'm wrapping up the art stuff. Sparrow's gone home, Will's gone to bed. The windows are still open, even though it started raining about a half an hour ago. Couldn't bring myself to close the windows... the sound and smell of the rain was almost drug-like in its affect on me. I don't want to let it go. Luckily it's pretty much stopped raining so closing the windows will be easier now (though leaving one of them cracked open all night sounds fun, not gonna lie... that level of fresh air all night? Might do wonders for sleeping and my energy levels tomorrow)

Tomorrow is a new day. So is the one after it. I'm not asking for much, but... with some effort and a few more open windows and I'll hopefully manage this borderline breakdown until it passes.