(no subject)

[shinga]

One of my more frustrating and confusing flaws is that I hate being new at things... or at least obviously new. If I'm trying something and some one can look at it and say "You're new at this, aren't you?" I feel humiliated and ashamed and angry. For MOST things I can work around this by practicing alone, but for some things that's just not feasible. I either have to learn from some one (and therefore being open and honest with another human being about my inexperience) or take a class or it's just a rather social skill that REQUIRES working with people in order to get better at it (learning a language, as an example)... most of the time when I realize I'll have to be openly new at something I just sort of... avoid it. I convince myself that it's not a big deal and I don't actually need or even want to learn it and I can just find something else. This is... unacceptable. I've made it work for my entire life and the more I look back the more missed opportunities I'm seeing because of this humiliation and prideful need to be perfect at everything all the time. It's something I need to work on, and I'm not even sure how to start... outside of opening up to people with requests like "please don't laugh at me" or "just be patient", things like that. Maybe after a while I'll start to see that there's nothing to be so afraid of.