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Oct. 28th, 2014 10:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shingaCommunication is one of my weakest points. It's weird, there's layers of communication... SOME of them I kick ass at. If we're gonna go nerdy with this, I apparently have a pretty high charisma score with my specialty being diplomacy (and as others have told me, intimation, which I guess is also accurate but I don't need it as often)... I'm diplomatic as all hell. I have skills in tact and careful clear communication. In high-stress situations, particularly in a professional setting, this has been useful.
But the grittier parts of communication? Between friends, in romantic relationships? BSOD. I just... freeze. I don't even know what I'm doing there. Yes the tact and diplomatic skills come in handy sometimes there, but then there's those pesky "emotions". It's really not easy relying on those skills when you're discussing strong emotions (especially the more negative ones). I still try. But the whole point of the diplomatic/tact skills is leaving the emotions out of it. So there's where the problem comes in. It's pretty hard to communicate the strong emotions you're feeling while leaving emotions out of it. And maybe I shouldn't! Maybe this is just a whole new level of skill I've left unexplored (often on purpose because I've hurt people in the past when I let things like anger take too much control in a discussion) and need to start really focusing on that. Clear, honest communication WITHOUT completely hiding and hyper-controlling the emotions I'm feeling.
There's still a time and place for tact and diplomacy and emotion-free communication. But I've spent enough points leveling those up, it's time to focus on the parts of communication I've neglected because I didn't think they were as important. I was wrong. They're important, they're VERY important. I've spent years letting that lack of skill harm my relationships and I'm tired of ending up lonely because I refuse to work on that.
But the grittier parts of communication? Between friends, in romantic relationships? BSOD. I just... freeze. I don't even know what I'm doing there. Yes the tact and diplomatic skills come in handy sometimes there, but then there's those pesky "emotions". It's really not easy relying on those skills when you're discussing strong emotions (especially the more negative ones). I still try. But the whole point of the diplomatic/tact skills is leaving the emotions out of it. So there's where the problem comes in. It's pretty hard to communicate the strong emotions you're feeling while leaving emotions out of it. And maybe I shouldn't! Maybe this is just a whole new level of skill I've left unexplored (often on purpose because I've hurt people in the past when I let things like anger take too much control in a discussion) and need to start really focusing on that. Clear, honest communication WITHOUT completely hiding and hyper-controlling the emotions I'm feeling.
There's still a time and place for tact and diplomacy and emotion-free communication. But I've spent enough points leveling those up, it's time to focus on the parts of communication I've neglected because I didn't think they were as important. I was wrong. They're important, they're VERY important. I've spent years letting that lack of skill harm my relationships and I'm tired of ending up lonely because I refuse to work on that.
