(no subject)

[shinga]

PSA: Kids, sometimes you will say something to me. Something innocent, something that is not meant to hurt me. Please know that I KNOW you do not mean this. Know that I probably won't be angry that you said it. But sometimes your foot just ends up in your mouth. It doesn't mean we're suddenly not friends. It's just that, every so often, a topic is a sore one. If you talk to me about your walking-intensive vacations, your dancing, your exercising... every so often, especially if I'm having a rough pain day, it will hurt to hear. I will struggle with the loss and the pain and the jealousy and I might get upset. Not always. For the most part I'm pretty good about not hearing details about my loved ones' lives and making it all about me, me, me. It's just on the hard days, in the rougher moments. Moments where I'd kill to go on that vacation, where I miss dancing, the times I'd give anything to be able to bitch about how rough my two mile run was that day.

I'm not asking you to stop talking about your lives. Just know that sometimes this will be my reaction. I'm not angry, just... very broken. If it's a problem and I want the subject to be changed, I'll ask or I'll remove myself from the conversation. You're not actively the one hurting me, it isn't your fault, and it isn't about you. I just don't always handle the pain very well and for that I'm sorry.

Carry on.