Feb. 20th, 2015

shinga: (Default)
Oh god, my arms are sore. I didn't realize how much my arms move while I draw - so I'm taking a SECOND day off in a row from drawing. Ergh. Glad I'm ahead of schedule on the commissions I wanted to finish within the week, so I don't feel as bad, but I still feel awkward taking so much time off. I can't let myself backslide into a depression so deep I can't do art. I want to keep up the financial comfort, I want to keep up the productivity.

Hopefully tomorrow my arms will feel better, I'll do some drawing that day and Sunday.

The arm soreness takes me back, though. The last tetanus shot, 10 years ago in April, was done right before BCT. That and nine other shots at the same time. Then the next day, with 10 shots worth of arm soreness, we did SO MANY PUSH-UPS! That was a hell of a day (shark attack, day 1 is a rough one - all the stereotypes of screaming DS's is, that day, 100% true... they calm down after that but they want to break you quickly. Mentally I did fine since I spent a YEAR getting into the military and had time to toughen up, physically I was exhausted though)

It's bringing back these memories and the mixed feelings with it. I actually LOVED Basic. The friends I had, the training, the discipline, the fitness, the routine, going to the range... I fucking loved it. PTRP was the PTSD-ridden nightmare fuel, but Basic? Basic I loved. I felt like I was becoming a whole new person, a person I could be proud of, a person I could depend on. I had been so broken and meek and terrified before - I was wrapped up in a bad situation and the Army healed me. I mean sure, they broke me too, but that's only physically. Mentally I became unstoppable. Yes, even with the trauma and nightmares I still have years later, I'm still stronger than I was beforehand.

With the 10 year mark coming up, this will probably be on my mind a lot.


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