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Had therapy.
Talked about PTRP.
Talked about the anxiety and paranoia that plagues me every single day and harms my friendships and relationships.
I feel sick to my stomach. I never should have filed for this, I'll have to remember this place for the next few months at least, and recognize how severely it still interferes with my life. I'll have to deal with (and this is partly paranoia talking, partly experience) my friends whose opinions I value highly laughing and telling me to "just get over it", "it wasn't that bad", asking WHY I can't just get over it.
I hate those three words. I hate how much I fear hearing them from people I trust. I hate how often I ask it of myself.
The fear and paranoia is eating me alive right now. I'm afraid to make this post. Afraid friends will read it and find me pathetic and weak, think I'm a liar, think I should just get over it. Think "that place couldn't have been as bad as she thinks it was"... I'm so afraid that VERY few people in my life know even a LITTLE bit of what happened when I was there. If I talk about it I fear the nightmares will come true and I'll end up there again. It's not logical. It makes absolutely no sense. But fear/paranoia don't often make sense... especially this strong, when logic barely puts a dent into it.
I hate how fucked up I am.
Talked about PTRP.
Talked about the anxiety and paranoia that plagues me every single day and harms my friendships and relationships.
I feel sick to my stomach. I never should have filed for this, I'll have to remember this place for the next few months at least, and recognize how severely it still interferes with my life. I'll have to deal with (and this is partly paranoia talking, partly experience) my friends whose opinions I value highly laughing and telling me to "just get over it", "it wasn't that bad", asking WHY I can't just get over it.
I hate those three words. I hate how much I fear hearing them from people I trust. I hate how often I ask it of myself.
The fear and paranoia is eating me alive right now. I'm afraid to make this post. Afraid friends will read it and find me pathetic and weak, think I'm a liar, think I should just get over it. Think "that place couldn't have been as bad as she thinks it was"... I'm so afraid that VERY few people in my life know even a LITTLE bit of what happened when I was there. If I talk about it I fear the nightmares will come true and I'll end up there again. It's not logical. It makes absolutely no sense. But fear/paranoia don't often make sense... especially this strong, when logic barely puts a dent into it.
I hate how fucked up I am.
