(no subject)

I think I'm shit at relationships. Back when I moved into my one-bedroom alone I thought "this is it. I'll get a couple more cats and I'll be set for life, this is just how it'll be"... now I'm in love with some one, living with him, I want it to be for a lifetime but the nagging at the back of my head says I'm going to end up in that shabby apartment again, alone with my cats, and it'll end up being my fault. I can barely do casual-ish relationships, how the hell am I going to manage this long term? I don't think I'm overly clingy but I DO want a certain amount attention/devotion/etc and I get weepy and emotional when I don't and lord knows that's the number one thing men run away from. Probably women too. So... shit. I WANT this to be a forever thing, but the awful pessimistic side of me is being all fatalistic and I hate it.

In other news that's probably heavily related, I just started Shark Week. YAY FOR MOODY RIDICULOUSNESS! It's storming, I'm lonely and depressed, I'm cramping and my hips/back/arms/wrists are hurting... it's probably no surprise that all of that combined makes for me being dramatic and whiny. Lord I annoy myself... no wonder I expect everyone else to feel the same way and stop bothering with me. :P