Aug. 21st, 2014

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It's the 21st. 16 days until Will leaves. It feels surreal making more and more solid plans of ways we'll stay in contact. I'm not sure yet when I'll be in Houston... but even being down there we can Skype and talk as much as his time allows.

Four weeks... gah that's gonna be weird.

It still feels like this vague far-off "oh, right, yeah, that's gonna happen but like... later" but now it's starting to have just a bit more "oh shit this is real" vibe to it.

When he starts packing... that's when it'll hit hard. That's when I'll have to find ways to either distract myself or just face all the anxiety and worries head on and figure out how to deal with them.

Ugh.

Like with all the drama yesterday surrounding us and how quickly and brutally we handled it together... I liked that. We rock. But it did occur to me that it would have been MUCH harder to handle it with him in Austria. Doable, just... harder. I hope like hell nothing big comes up during those four weeks and that any emergencies and such happen when we can take it down together.

Bleh. I dunno. I think I'm underestimating my ability to handle shit right now. I'm all crampy and extra "ergh" about things at the moment.

It'll be okay.
shinga: (Default)
Things I somehow simultaneously want:

Molten chocolate lava cake
Steak
A heavy make-out session
A massage
A nap
Coffee
Tea
Cute shoes
Stompy gothy boots that scare men
Sex
Pixar movies
A good cry (this is pretty much the same as "Pixar movies")
Isolation
Socialization

There's more.

One of the biggest "yeah shark week's starting any second now" things I've noticed about myself... desire. For what? Doesn't seem to matter. I just get very very focused and stubborn and demanding about whatever the hell I decide I want in that second, even if it changes immediately to something that directly contradicts it.

So it seems this month so far I've gone through the shitty moods/enhanced depression shit (over the weekend) and now I've moved onto this.

Any second now, uterus. Let's do this and get it over with.

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