(no subject)
Dec. 31st, 2012 12:34 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shingaIn my dreams I am always thinner. And I always feel more like the real me than when I'm awake.
It's not that I think Fat Is Bad... far from it. It's that I think feeling at home and comfortable in your own skin is good. And I don't... I haven't for a couple of years. It's not JUST the fat... my body's rebelling in a lot of different ways and the doctors are still shrugging in confusion.
I don't really do New Years resolutions. I have one, the same one, every year... "improve". It's open-ended enough that I don't have to feel any guilt over any specific resolution I didn't meet. And it'll be the same way this year. I won't give any specific goals because I don't want to spend the year panicking over what I'm not doing. So... "improve". It can be for anything. Improve my art, improve my relationship, improve my social life. This year I'll try to put a lot of focus on a couple of different things (improve my relationship, improve our living arrangement, improve my VA stuff) but I won't include "weight". Because it goes deeper than that. Yeah, I do want to lose quite a bit. But I want to find out WHY. WHY did I gain 60lbs so rapidly? Why am I STILL gaining even though I'm taking the meds they claimed would help? Why can't I lose any? Is this still the thyroid or is there something still undiscovered?
We'll see.
As far as the new year itself, I don't have MUCH to say on 2012. A lot of it sucked. But it's looking up fairly quickly at the end and I have a feeling it's setting a tone for 2013. I have high hopes and I'll welcome it in with a kiss and a smile.
It's not that I think Fat Is Bad... far from it. It's that I think feeling at home and comfortable in your own skin is good. And I don't... I haven't for a couple of years. It's not JUST the fat... my body's rebelling in a lot of different ways and the doctors are still shrugging in confusion.
I don't really do New Years resolutions. I have one, the same one, every year... "improve". It's open-ended enough that I don't have to feel any guilt over any specific resolution I didn't meet. And it'll be the same way this year. I won't give any specific goals because I don't want to spend the year panicking over what I'm not doing. So... "improve". It can be for anything. Improve my art, improve my relationship, improve my social life. This year I'll try to put a lot of focus on a couple of different things (improve my relationship, improve our living arrangement, improve my VA stuff) but I won't include "weight". Because it goes deeper than that. Yeah, I do want to lose quite a bit. But I want to find out WHY. WHY did I gain 60lbs so rapidly? Why am I STILL gaining even though I'm taking the meds they claimed would help? Why can't I lose any? Is this still the thyroid or is there something still undiscovered?
We'll see.
As far as the new year itself, I don't have MUCH to say on 2012. A lot of it sucked. But it's looking up fairly quickly at the end and I have a feeling it's setting a tone for 2013. I have high hopes and I'll welcome it in with a kiss and a smile.