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Jan. 4th, 2014 09:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shingaI think there's too many people out there obsessed with the idea of hiding everything negative and uncomfortable in our lives. And I think it's actually somewhat damaging to think that way.
I am an optimist, and glad of it. But I'm a realistic one and some things just suck. There might be a bright side, even one I can see, but sometimes I'm not in the mood to think on it. Sometimes I embrace the fact that something just sucks and that's okay.
But even if I'm primarily positive (I am), I still get people complaining that I complain. I can post 150 happy positive silly things and only 5 negative-only things and these people claim I'm "always complaining/whining" or "so negative" or go on to accuse me of wanting attention or sympathy.
And you know what? Sure. I am totally doing that. Number one, I'm not sure why our society is so intent on "wanting attention" being a bad thing. And two, definitely not sure why SYMPATHY is bad to want as well.
We're human beings. We need to connect to other people. And when these assholes insist it's "unnecessary" to talk about the bad stuff, it's cutting us out from very necessary human connection.
Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes we're in pain, or we're tired, or we're stressed. Sometimes we want to reach out and find that at least one person out there understands us and we find comfort in that. AND THAT'S OKAY.
Instead (and it's usually older folks, we're slowly recovering as a society from the whole "omg you can't say that in mixed company" crap... seriously maybe it's why all those 60+ old male politicians don't know how a uterus works) we end up constantly suffering in silence because we're now worried it's "rude" to talk about it. We just have to make sure we never inconvenience others with our problems. And it's BULLSHIT.
We're now left with so many people thinking they're "crazy" or "neurotic" or most importantly alone because we're all hiding all this negative stuff from each other and it makes us feel like our emotions aren't okay. No, you aren't "crazy" for feeling jealous or depressed or angry or worried or stressed or anxious.
If a person literally actually talks about nothing but negative things? Well sure, that gets exhausting to be around. But there's some beauty in modern technology where they can reach out to any number of people online that might get it. Because it's important to get that stuff off your chest and connect with others about it, because it helps. It makes you feel better and it helps you work through those things when you see that others can and have worked through the same. (if no amount of talking ever helps and you're 100% angry or depressed all the time, that's where things like professional help should probably come in, but that's a whole other thing)
All this to say... NEGATIVE THINGS HAPPEN. Sometimes we have SHITTY days, or weeks, or longer. It should be okay to talk about it, even in "public" forums like Facebook. So more people now know you're having a rough time, so what? They've had them too. Hell maybe a stranger read your post and now feels a little better themselves because they know they're not alone in their struggle.
I'll still slip up and hide my bad stuff sometimes. I'll always worry that I'm upsetting some one or annoying them or inconveniencing them. Some days I'll share the bad stuff but I'll apologize for it and fall all over myself to make sure everyone knows how sorry I am for... reaching out to people. See? It's ridiculous and I know it is and I'll still do it. But I'm going to try harder to just embrace the fact that some days suck, I will shout it from the rooftops if I feel I need to. And sometimes I won't feel like talking at all, and that's my choice and that's perfectly okay too... but I'm not about to try to silence some one else for talking just because I don't want to.
I am an optimist, as I said... I will always embrace the positive. But it's okay to embrace the negative too... if anything it makes me a better optimist. Because you know when I post something happy that I fucking mean it. All-happy-all-the-time ends up feeling shallow and disingenuous, and I'm tired of feeling like I "should" be one or the other. Nope. I will admit when things suck, and I will mean it when I'm having a good day. Anyone who gives me shit for that can suck it.
I am an optimist, and glad of it. But I'm a realistic one and some things just suck. There might be a bright side, even one I can see, but sometimes I'm not in the mood to think on it. Sometimes I embrace the fact that something just sucks and that's okay.
But even if I'm primarily positive (I am), I still get people complaining that I complain. I can post 150 happy positive silly things and only 5 negative-only things and these people claim I'm "always complaining/whining" or "so negative" or go on to accuse me of wanting attention or sympathy.
And you know what? Sure. I am totally doing that. Number one, I'm not sure why our society is so intent on "wanting attention" being a bad thing. And two, definitely not sure why SYMPATHY is bad to want as well.
We're human beings. We need to connect to other people. And when these assholes insist it's "unnecessary" to talk about the bad stuff, it's cutting us out from very necessary human connection.
Sometimes we get sick. Sometimes we're in pain, or we're tired, or we're stressed. Sometimes we want to reach out and find that at least one person out there understands us and we find comfort in that. AND THAT'S OKAY.
Instead (and it's usually older folks, we're slowly recovering as a society from the whole "omg you can't say that in mixed company" crap... seriously maybe it's why all those 60+ old male politicians don't know how a uterus works) we end up constantly suffering in silence because we're now worried it's "rude" to talk about it. We just have to make sure we never inconvenience others with our problems. And it's BULLSHIT.
We're now left with so many people thinking they're "crazy" or "neurotic" or most importantly alone because we're all hiding all this negative stuff from each other and it makes us feel like our emotions aren't okay. No, you aren't "crazy" for feeling jealous or depressed or angry or worried or stressed or anxious.
If a person literally actually talks about nothing but negative things? Well sure, that gets exhausting to be around. But there's some beauty in modern technology where they can reach out to any number of people online that might get it. Because it's important to get that stuff off your chest and connect with others about it, because it helps. It makes you feel better and it helps you work through those things when you see that others can and have worked through the same. (if no amount of talking ever helps and you're 100% angry or depressed all the time, that's where things like professional help should probably come in, but that's a whole other thing)
All this to say... NEGATIVE THINGS HAPPEN. Sometimes we have SHITTY days, or weeks, or longer. It should be okay to talk about it, even in "public" forums like Facebook. So more people now know you're having a rough time, so what? They've had them too. Hell maybe a stranger read your post and now feels a little better themselves because they know they're not alone in their struggle.
I'll still slip up and hide my bad stuff sometimes. I'll always worry that I'm upsetting some one or annoying them or inconveniencing them. Some days I'll share the bad stuff but I'll apologize for it and fall all over myself to make sure everyone knows how sorry I am for... reaching out to people. See? It's ridiculous and I know it is and I'll still do it. But I'm going to try harder to just embrace the fact that some days suck, I will shout it from the rooftops if I feel I need to. And sometimes I won't feel like talking at all, and that's my choice and that's perfectly okay too... but I'm not about to try to silence some one else for talking just because I don't want to.
I am an optimist, as I said... I will always embrace the positive. But it's okay to embrace the negative too... if anything it makes me a better optimist. Because you know when I post something happy that I fucking mean it. All-happy-all-the-time ends up feeling shallow and disingenuous, and I'm tired of feeling like I "should" be one or the other. Nope. I will admit when things suck, and I will mean it when I'm having a good day. Anyone who gives me shit for that can suck it.
no subject
Date: 2014-01-04 05:58 pm (UTC)Here's an article that I stumbled upon a couple weeks ago. It helped me to realize that embracing your negative emotions rather than suppressing them, or trying to pretend they don't exist isn't just healthy, but tons better for you.
Negative Emotions Are Key to Well-Being
I think that was one of the things that led to me falling apart as much as I did. I'd gotten so good at getting knocked down and then just right back up again with out ever processing any of it. It took Bishop flat out telling me to stop and break down. That I wasn't okay and that was fine. He had everything under control and the only thing he needed me to do was break down and process it all. It was a lot like someone coming down with the flu and insisting they could still do all the things. :P