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Mar. 16th, 2014 03:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shingaI have been sick. Nothing major, but the general "ugh" feeling won't go away. Exhaustion, achiness, random nausea, and fever. Comes and goes in waves. No idea what it is but I'm trying to rest and take vitamins and stay healthy and whatnot. Which isn't easy because the second I feel okay I'm all "WELL CLEARLY I'M CURED, GO ME" and continue about my business as usual and then I feel sick again and crash hard. This has happened repeatedly this weekend. I'm not overly patient.
In the meantime I am "window shopping" corsets right now and making whining grabby motions at the screen. Some I want RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, some I want to just bookmark and look into buying when I'm far closer to the weight I want to be. I THINK I'm losing some weight recently but it's hard to tell and we don't have a scale (if we did I'd be too nervous to use it... every time I've done that recently it just shows that I've gained weight and I get upset with myself for days on end)
Eating healthier. I don't know how much I'll be able to maintain this, financially, but I'm enjoying it for now. All snacks have been healthy, meals are increasingly better. Recently had fast food and got so SO fucking sick... on one hand, score! Body's starting to adjust to better food and crave it regularly. On the other hand this cuts out a lot of convenient food, which might mean adjusting some habits I needed to adjust anyway.
Push-up challenge is going well. The break day this week was a long day altogether so it felt like I'd fucked up and skipped two. I didn't. I notice them getting easier to do, which is good. Ideally I could TELL if they were doing something, visually. I know that's massively unrealistic. But if I could push a button that made me look like the tiny Amazon warrior I feel like I should look like, I'd push that shit so fucking hard. xD
Facing some stress recently. None of it terribly direct, but stress other folks are having to deal with that only somewhat affects me. I worry while trying to keep an even head and remember my therapist's biggest point with me - to NOT take on other people's emotions and problems as much as I tend to do. This means trying to find this weird balance of sympathy and empathy, to be there for people without mirroring their emotions. It's not easy and I worry I've stepped too far in the other direction for the sake of balance. I know I'll fuck it up here and there, it's what learning is all about. And I don't think anyone holds it against me if I'm not trying to shove myself into their lives and fix their problems (they're grown-ass adults, they don't need me to do anything but be supportive) but I still worry.
We're halfway through March. Soon it'll be my birthday month and I actually want it to be great. Not huge parties or vacation or anything like that, just... great. Great can mean a quiet day in, great can mean a party, great can mean gifts or nothing, just... great. We'll see.
This was supposed to be a quick update. Funny how that keeps happening. xD
In the meantime I am "window shopping" corsets right now and making whining grabby motions at the screen. Some I want RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, some I want to just bookmark and look into buying when I'm far closer to the weight I want to be. I THINK I'm losing some weight recently but it's hard to tell and we don't have a scale (if we did I'd be too nervous to use it... every time I've done that recently it just shows that I've gained weight and I get upset with myself for days on end)
Eating healthier. I don't know how much I'll be able to maintain this, financially, but I'm enjoying it for now. All snacks have been healthy, meals are increasingly better. Recently had fast food and got so SO fucking sick... on one hand, score! Body's starting to adjust to better food and crave it regularly. On the other hand this cuts out a lot of convenient food, which might mean adjusting some habits I needed to adjust anyway.
Push-up challenge is going well. The break day this week was a long day altogether so it felt like I'd fucked up and skipped two. I didn't. I notice them getting easier to do, which is good. Ideally I could TELL if they were doing something, visually. I know that's massively unrealistic. But if I could push a button that made me look like the tiny Amazon warrior I feel like I should look like, I'd push that shit so fucking hard. xD
Facing some stress recently. None of it terribly direct, but stress other folks are having to deal with that only somewhat affects me. I worry while trying to keep an even head and remember my therapist's biggest point with me - to NOT take on other people's emotions and problems as much as I tend to do. This means trying to find this weird balance of sympathy and empathy, to be there for people without mirroring their emotions. It's not easy and I worry I've stepped too far in the other direction for the sake of balance. I know I'll fuck it up here and there, it's what learning is all about. And I don't think anyone holds it against me if I'm not trying to shove myself into their lives and fix their problems (they're grown-ass adults, they don't need me to do anything but be supportive) but I still worry.
We're halfway through March. Soon it'll be my birthday month and I actually want it to be great. Not huge parties or vacation or anything like that, just... great. Great can mean a quiet day in, great can mean a party, great can mean gifts or nothing, just... great. We'll see.
This was supposed to be a quick update. Funny how that keeps happening. xD
