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Jul. 18th, 2014 10:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
shingaBeen feeling more social. It's been building up over months, mind you. I rebelled against the idea for a while because I had my routine and I did not want my routine fucked with. I had my ONE social obligation in the week and I was satisfied and comfortable in my routine.
Now? Now the routine feels... stifling. I still like it just fine, it's not bad or anything. But I want... I need... to start shaking things up.
I mentioned that I might be attending Panoptikon two weeks in a row after having not been for over a year. Some one commented saying it was a result of the engagement - that it tends to poke at the social parts of the brain? I don't know, I was half-awake when I read it. I didn't respond but it bugged me a bit. Maybe it was just a joke. And I'm not doubting that it had an effect. But this was already happening... as much as I love Will and his extroverted self is definitely an inspiration to my own extroversion, him putting a shiny piece of jewelry on my finger is not changing my personality.
Bleh.
But yeah. I'm still not SURE I'll go tonight. I had a rough week due to pain and exhaustion. Wednesday was my normal social thing and I didn't handle it as well as I was hoping... left early. That was partly me not feeling well (yay rain!) but it was also feeling quickly drained. Pain is draining in so many ways... this apparently included my ability to be around people and socialize worth a damn. So that means that I DID go out and see people this week, but I'm still left lacking in that type of fulfillment.
We'll see how I feel by tonight. I had a lot of fun last week, and I know I'd enjoy it tonight if I'm up for it. I don't quite know what to do today to sort of mentally build myself up to it, though... I know how to handle self-care AFTER being overwhelmed by people... but self-care that helps me get out more? Been a long time since I even cared about that.
Now? Now the routine feels... stifling. I still like it just fine, it's not bad or anything. But I want... I need... to start shaking things up.
I mentioned that I might be attending Panoptikon two weeks in a row after having not been for over a year. Some one commented saying it was a result of the engagement - that it tends to poke at the social parts of the brain? I don't know, I was half-awake when I read it. I didn't respond but it bugged me a bit. Maybe it was just a joke. And I'm not doubting that it had an effect. But this was already happening... as much as I love Will and his extroverted self is definitely an inspiration to my own extroversion, him putting a shiny piece of jewelry on my finger is not changing my personality.
Bleh.
But yeah. I'm still not SURE I'll go tonight. I had a rough week due to pain and exhaustion. Wednesday was my normal social thing and I didn't handle it as well as I was hoping... left early. That was partly me not feeling well (yay rain!) but it was also feeling quickly drained. Pain is draining in so many ways... this apparently included my ability to be around people and socialize worth a damn. So that means that I DID go out and see people this week, but I'm still left lacking in that type of fulfillment.
We'll see how I feel by tonight. I had a lot of fun last week, and I know I'd enjoy it tonight if I'm up for it. I don't quite know what to do today to sort of mentally build myself up to it, though... I know how to handle self-care AFTER being overwhelmed by people... but self-care that helps me get out more? Been a long time since I even cared about that.
