(no subject)

[shinga]

A couple of years ago my intuition was ignored... by myself. I looked at some one and red neon flags popped up everywhere but everyone else seemed to disagree so I kept my mouth shut. This ended... very badly. But it was months before things came crashing down around her and in those months I had to question my normally-good intuition. Everyone insisted I was wrong about her and yet the gut feeling stayed and got worse and worse. Even though it turned out I was right, I'm still struggling with trusting my gut again. Every red flag since has been spot on, but I don't feel confident in it. I try to voice my worries better but I always sound uncertain, I always hesitate to speak up. Worse is that this wound in my confidence for this sort of thing is making it harder to read people. I second-guess myself so much that sometimes all I see in a person is that something is "off". And who the fuck cares if I sense something "off"? "Off" can mean a LOT of things, and not all of it dangerous, so speaking up about it seems pointless. I do keep an extra sharp eye in case things become clearer but I'm not reading people as well as I used to. I don't know how to fix that, really. I think part of me is also full of doubt because I worry that the first experience up there would make me HYPER-vigilant against perceived red flags. It seems in guarding myself against that happening I've gone a bit too far off the other end of things.

(Keep in mind even when I "warn" people about the red flag I'm seeing it's really only if I think those exact people might be affected... like I can see warning signs and not really give a shit until that person shows romantic interest in some one I care about, THEN I usually say something to the loved one so they can make their own decision from there... I don't get that "off" feeling and then run around telling everyone that a near-stranger is bad news or something)

Comments

[damia]

*hugs*
I believe in you. <3