(no subject)

[shinga]

I keep getting e-mailed and/or called by dress shops and catering companies and venues about wedding stuff. I've been ignoring them but today for the first time I replied to tell them there's no wedding to plan right now. With Will still unemployed it's unrealistic to even THINK about spending thousands of dollars on this thing. At this point I'm not sure if it'll ever happen. It sucks but I'm trying really really hard to come to terms with it and it's not easy but I'm trying. On a very straightforward level, we're together. It's easy to say that's all that matters. And in a real sense, it is. But that doesn't mean I don't want the wedding, but... if it's not possible without going into an ugly amount of debt, then it's not possible. And no I don't want some half-assed thing in my own backyard. If I'm going to do a wedding, I'm going to have what I want instead of having a day of disappointment and compromise. I don't go all "this is what I want, this is how I want it, period" often and it's a nice thought that a wedding would be the one time I could absolutely do that without question. But realistically...

Meh.

I just don't see this happening.