Mar. 18th, 2015

shinga: (Default)
My day didn't start fantastically. I slept okay and woke up a smidge later than I meant to but not too ridiculous. I had my usual morning routine... coffee, catching up on Hulu shows, reading webcomics and other updates.

The weather was good today. It's been raining in short little bursts here and there the last two days but the pressure has been consistent so it's not causing me any extra pain.

I did a little art.

But in the back of my mind?

Anger.

Just SO much anger. That tense constant back-of-your-throat pit-of-your-stomach ANGER.

Why?

I seriously do not know.

I got up and moved around a bit. Worked out. Put some go-to comfort things on Netflix. Did more art. Did some writing. Read funny things. Took a bath. Nothing was working.

Finally later in the afternoon I opened up a window next to me. Sunlight, fresh air... it wasn't an instant cure but I finally relaxed a little and soaked in the daylight.

Had my wax appointment so that meant getting out of the house. Instantly once outside my mood skyrocketed. All that tenseness and anger evaporated and I was energetic and cheerful and sociable.

I have some guesses. The house has felt, and even smelled, very "cramped" lately. Stuffy. The fresh air from the open window immediately eased some of that trapped feeling. It's also been very "trap" feeling for weeks now with no creative outlets and very few times spent outside the house.

I've already been... tense. I think maybe today I just felt it a little stronger. Might have been brought on by yesterday's VA fiasco... no one likes a surprise transvaginal ultrasound when you're already exhausted and in pain.

Hopefully this is a turning point. After the wax and dinner we went to the store and I got myself a few "fresh" scent candles. Very Spring-like. Garden-y scents, very "open" smells. The temps outside should allow me to keep the windows open as often as I can.

I'll give that a try.

Also, there's therapy tomorrow... so I'll also just talk some of this shit out.

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shinga

August 2016

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